A fanfic about an Elf named Haldir
by Arquera
Summary: Haldir and Fanta don't mix. Find out what happens when he get transported to Earth. Speacial Thanks to Dreamstrifer, check her stories out. Not a Marry Sue.
1. Fanta and an Elf

Disclaimer: I do not own any recognizable characters or theories.

I have to tell all you guys that the two most important people who inspired this story are Dreamstrifer and Tolkien.

Dreamstrifer thanks for letting take the mysterious and powerful Fresca and turning into Fanta. Be sure to read her wonderful stories "The Fresca Files" and their sequels. Look in My favorites.

Thanks to everyone who reads this story and free geckos for everyone who R&R.

Okay so here it goes my second fanfic please be nice to me I just accidentally killed a gecko while taking a shower, don't ask for details.

For any one who started reading my first story, I am officially giving up on it, sorry. I lost it when the family computer died and have found too many plot holes to continue but I now have my own laptop and it so totally cool!!

Back to the story.

It was a warm sunny day and I was just getting onto the school bus with my best friend Oz, we sat in the middle of the bus being "normal" and thus unclassifiable. Oz or Ozzy, despite his name, was actually very normal standing at about 5' 7" with brown hair and cool blue eyes he was actually pretty good looking but confident enough that he did not need to show off so thus was not a cool kid. I am two inches shorter than he is with honey blonde hair and dark blue eyes and not bad looking myself but being the same as Oz, I did not stand out either.

We lived out in the boonies and only this year did the school acutely start sending a bus anywhere near our houses. So half an hour later we arrived at the bus stop with another half an hour of walking to go to get to Ozzy's house. Our houses are side by side with only a tall privacy fence and a couple of holly bushes separating the houses. My parents and my older brother (he is 21) were in Africa on a safari, my brother's very late graduation present.

The yellow bus pulled away and we started walking towards home it was three in the afternoon and the sun was going to set in a few hours. The seasons were changing from summer to fall and the days were becoming cooler and shorter. The smooth dirt pathway was lined with pine trees and oak trees that were starting to change into their fall colors.

"Hey, Natalie, correct me if I am wrong but is there something strange about today well this after noon to be exact?" He was looking around when said this.

"Nope, everything feels esta bien conmigo," I replied in spainglish.

"'Esta bien a mi'," he said correcting my Spanish, "I doubt everything is all right with you, your screws have seemed a little loose lately," he joked with me.

I just glared at him so what if he was a Spanish major and I still hadn't even figured out what I wanted to do he had no right to correct my bad Spanish. Well maybe I am overreacting just a little bit. Anyway I was hungry and I had no idea what he was talking about.

Oz and I are the very best of friends, ever since that first play date when we were five we have been in separable. We did everything together except for going to the bathroom. I stuck up for him he stuck up for me. We always knew what the other was thinking and could easily tell when there was something wrong with the other, today was no exception.

"Hey, can I come over and eat at your place?" I asked in a non-chalant tone. If Ozzy knew how desperate I was to get some real food he would tease me the entire way home and to tell you the truth I was way too hungry to play around.

"Yeah, sure, you know that mom loves you and would serve you the best food in the house and the rest of us pig slop if she had no other choice." He said this with a mock grudging tone and I just smiled smugly. It was a truer statement than anyone knew.

We walked in silence for a little bit longer.......and finally reached the two old Victorian style houses. The houses dated back before the civil war and both had tunnels and hiding places around and in them. Our families had lived in these houses for hundreds of years and had been notorious (after the fact) for smuggling slaves up to the north.

The path split and I went over towards my white house and Ozzy left for his pale pink house.

"I will come over once I have finished my home work." I yelled at Oz he waved acknowledging that he had heard me and I broke out into a semi run with a little bit of a skip. Spegetti!!!!!

I skipped up the stairs onto the porch pulling out my back pack a huge mass of fast food keychains, they ranged from furbies to finger skate boards. I carried this massive burden (it probably weighed ten pounds) around not only because it looked cool but because I had the horrible habit of loosing my keys.

After unlocking the door I walked over to the fridge and pulled out an orange Fanta. One would be amazed as what was inside my fridge, every flavor of pringle and fanta. Now you know why I was so desperate for real food. Next I ran upstairs to take a shower and change my clothes.

I only had a few math problems to do (you would be amazed at how much work you can do during Lunch and study hall). It was almost 5 so I gave the Bingham Residents a call.

"Bingham family who are you calling for?" a young voice said over the phone.

"Miss Anne Bingham you have just won the privilege and honor to talk to Natalie Suttle!!!" I said this like that old dude off "The Price is Right".

Anne was 12 years old and was going through an early stage of puberty. This meant bad moods, acne and excessive eating habits. If I did not know any better I would have thought that she was pregnant. Plus she was going through a black faze. I totally did not get herL.

"Hey! Oswald get down here your girlfriend is on the phone!!!" Anne yelled this upstairs and left phone by her mouth so that it came right over the line into my ear.

I threw the phone to the other side of the room in shock and by the time I got over there a male voice was coming over the line.

"_Hello?....Hello?.....Natalie are you there?"_

"I am here, sorry Anne just yelled into the phone and I freaked out. Is it okay for me to come over?"

"Yeah come on over. Mom has dinner ready and sorry about Anne."

"Thanks I'll be right over and no apoligies needed but you really need to stop lying to the poor girl, no matter how much you want me I'll never be your girlfriend we are just friends simple and as plains as that!'' I said the last part dripping with sarcasm and mock seriousness.

I hung up the phone immediately but before it clicked I heard a load "_WHAT??!!"_

I smiled and went down stairs then out the door into the setting sun.

A tall and handsome elf was walking through the Golden woods as the sun was setting. The Lady Galadriel had called him away from his post on the borders. He was not sure why but the Lady always knew what she was doing and even though none knew at the time it would eventually come into the light.

'Plus,' he thought, 'it will be really nice to have a good meal and sleep in a real bed'

A sudden feeling of dread passed over him, warning him that there would be a long and trying trail ahead of him.

This only made him walk all the faster.

'Wow,' I thought, 'I think I just gained ten pounds'

I slowly made my way up the stairs, not only had eaten 3 helpings of Mrs. B's spaghetti but Anne had gotten the idea into her head that it would be funny if she hid my keys.

Hah!

Well two hours later and here I am ten pounds heavier and tired, I know it is only seven but I had to be at the bus at 6 am which meant waking up at 5 am, what a drag.

Well I finaly got up the stairs and opened the door and started to turn on the lamp on the mail table that had been converted into a living death trap of half empty, half full if you're an optimist, Fanta bottles of various flavors.

Being full beyond compare plus dead tired equaled that I was extremely clumsy and I knocked over a Fanta bottle.

This as you would expect caused a domino effect and rainbow of Fanta drinks fell over the side of the table onto the light socket.

The power flickered off .

I stumbled around knowing that was a flashlight in the coat closet. Finding the smooth door knob I turned it and felt around for a flashlight. After about ten minutes of crashing and bumping, I finally found it.

I clicked it on and turned around to find standing in front of me a strangly dressed man, who despite is odd appearance was extremely fine!


	2. Haldir gets a bump on the head

Thank you poolbum for pointing out the typo. I really appreciated it and I am sorry confusion caused.

Free arroz con leche for everybody!!!

Thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything recognizable and everything else is mine!

Also there is an author's note down below.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!!!:)

**Natalie's point of view**

I just kind of stared at him for a moment wondering how he got here.

He was looking around with a strange look on his face. He finally came around to the mirror that sat opposite of the door to the living room.

He got this strange look on his face and started tilting his head and rubbing face. It was actually funny, it kind of reminded me about a documentary on Animal Planet about parrots and mirrors but it stopped being funny when he touched the mirror. Can you believe **he** had the **audacity** to touch **it?!** I mean come on he should have known that some one would have to clean it!!!

Okay wait a second I need to re-think this....

I have a strange man wearing some really strange clothing, which seemed some what familiar but I'll get back to that later. I need to do something about this.

"Ummmm, excuse me, sir?" I asked timidly.

He was still entranced with the mirror when I said this and before I knew what had happened there was a very sharp, very shiny and potentially dangerous sword putting pressure on my wind pipe.

I took two steps back and the sword followed me every inch of the way.

_Ohhhh man_ I need a miracle and fast!

"What are you doing in the woods..." He said this in a very melodic voice but had a force behind it up until the point the he realized he wasn't in the "woods..."

He had this forlorn look on his face as he lowered his sword (I was more than a little happy about this.). I just stood there trying to think of some thing to say.

I was saved by the bell (forgive the cliché) when he asked, "Where exactly am I?"

"You are in the piedmont of North Carolina, to be exact." I said this very matter of factly thinking that even the dumbest kid in school knew that.

Wait a moment maybe he was a burglar and wanted....

Before I completed the thought the power came back, the light flickered on and off for about a minute.

During that time I noticed that I noticed that the man was having a panic attack or something like that so I clubbed him on the back of the head with my flash light!

He promptly blacked out.

A said a small prayer after this, "Thank you Lord for having a discount on the police flashlights." I said this very sincerely because I don't think a regular dollar store flashlight could have done the job.

**Haldir's point of view**

There was a sudden flash and I was left standing in a dark room, a light turned on in front of me but I paid no heed to it. I was more concerned about my surroundings, I turned around still stunned and in a gaze when I saw another elf!

Wait that can't be right I was alone in the woods...no it was my self!

I had only seen my reflection once or twice in the Lady's mirror. Is that what this was?

I reached my hand out and touched the smooth clean surface. It felt like glass cool to the touch and smooth with out any flaws, nothing at all like Lady Galadriel's watery mirror that was always shifting. This one stayed constant.

"Ummmm, excuse me, sir?" asked a young girls voice.

Before I knew it my sword was out and touching her throat, one can never be to careful now and days. Too many dangers were entering the woods as Sauron grew in strength.

"What are you doing in the woods..." I couldn't finish my sentence it was beyond me. My throat constricted. I wasn't home; I was in a strange human dwelling. A feeling of great loss and sadness came over me. What if I never saw home again? No time to have self pity, I must find a way back home.

"Where exactly am I?" I asked this very afraid of what the answer would be.

"You are you in the piedmont of North Carolina, to be exact." She said this very matter of fact like everyone on Middle Earth should know it.

But it was the wrong answer.

Without warning bright lights flashed on and off.

Witchcraft was all I could think as an exploding pain erupted in the back of my head and then everything became black.

**Natalie's point of view**

WhatdoIdo?whatdoIdo?WhatdoIdo?

Okay, I'll call Ozzy; he'll know what to do. I ran over to the phone carefully avoiding the unconscious body and crossing into the living room.

I picked up the phone on the side table and dialed the number for Ozzy's house.

Wait! I should have dialed the number to is cell phone, too late it was ringing.

"Hello?" It was Anne, damn't could I not just have a little bit of luck?

"Hi, Anne can you put your brother on the phone?"

"Yeah but he might break it."

"Hah! Very funny, let me talk to him."

"Chill. OSWALD!!!!!" She let this out in a large bellow once again right into the phone. Talk about "chill".

"Hey, Natalie, what's up?" he must have picked the upstairs phone.

"Yeah, I need you to come over here."

"Why?"

"There is an emergency." Great what type of emergency?

"What type of emergency?"

"Our tomatoes are dying!" Not bad, I should become an actress.

"What?! Have you watered them?"

"No, I need you to help make the solution. I spilled it while I was trying to water the tomatoes. Yeah that's it." I am too good almost to cool for school. Oh, if you are wondering about the tomatoes they are our science project. We are trying to find a way to find a way to grow tomatoes in Cambodia.

"Give me five minutes."

"Thanks a lot Ozzy"

"No problem. Bye."

"Bye."

5 minutes later...

The door bell rang.

I stepped over the unconscious man while making my way over to the door. The door bell rang again.

"Coming Oz," I whispered not wanting to disturb the sleeping man. Last thing I wanted to do was to wake him up.

I opened the door and Ozzy stepped in.

"What...who is that?" He walked over to the unconscious man and looked at him really hard.

"I don't know who he is. He kind of popped up after the power went out."

"The power went out?"

"Yeah, I knocked over the end table with the Fanta bottles on it. The Fanta spilled onto the plug socket and the power went out. Then that guy over there," I pointed to the unmoving man, "popped up and I hit on the back of the head with my dad's flashlight"

"Oh." Oz just kind of looked at me for a moment. "How long has he been out?"

"About 15 minutes now."

"If you haven't killed him he should start to wake up any many minute."

"Great what should we do?"

"Maybe pull him onto the couch."

"Okay."

We dragged him by his arms into the living room and onto the couch. He weighed a lot and it took a good five minutes to drag him across the living room and onto the couch.

"Now we wait for him to wake up. You want to know something? He looks really familiar. Like someone out of Lord of the Rings." Ozzy just stood there looking at him.

"You know I think your right I wondering where I recognized him from."

As I finished my sentence he started to stir.

**Author's Note:**

Thank you guys so much for reviewing, I really appreciate it and I hope you read the rest of the story. Send me your addresses and I'll get those geckos sent out.

Chapters 1 and 2 are going to be a little bit boring and it was down right painful for me to write this one because it seems to go so slow. But no worries it picks up next chapter. I am sorry about the horrible ending but that was the best place I could think to leave it at without writing another chapter. I am going to try to get chapter 3 up in the next couple of days I already have ideas for it. Plus everything will get a thousand times more interesting since Haldir is about to wake up! And one more thing this will not be a romance story. Just so you know. That would be just down right creepy. But who knows what could happen in a sequel.

Natalie's age will come up in the next chapter but if you must know she is around 16 or 17. Plus if anything about high school seems out of place me know, I live in the middle of jungle so I am home schooled thus I only know what I've seen on tv and movies.

Sorry it took me so long to post again, my parents just divorced and I had to go visit my dad. He lives on sail boat so no Internet or computers. But don't worry it won't be happening for a while it is not as fun as it seems on tv to live on a boat and a 5 hour bus ride does not help.

Top of Form


	3. Discovery Channel, Pringles and killers!...

**Author's note:** I am back! Explanations will be given at the bottom of the page. Enjoy the story. Also I am changing the writing style; tell me how you like it.

The ache at the back of Haldir's head was all he could think of. He tried to open his eyes but an excruciating pain at the front of his head stopped him. He lifted his hand to the back of his head and found out that someone had delivered a blow to his head.

'Where am I?'

'Some where I am not supposed to be,' was the only answer he could think of.

'I am a Marchwarden of Lothlorien!! I shall face my enemies as I have done for thousands of years.'

He jumped up off the plush couch reaching for his sword before his eyes had even opened.

The kids saw this and took a healthy step backwards before they realized that his sword was still in the hallway were he had dropped it previously. They were pleasantly relieved.

He opened his eyes and realized it was gone, a thought that was inconceivable, he had never in the whole of his long life misplaced that sword. What happened to it? It was a family heirloom dating back to the time when the elves dwelt in Valinor. Suddenly last half hour's events dawned upon him. He was not in Lorien; he was in strange human dwelling. He looked up at the two human children standing in front of him. They shrunk back in fear. The anger and frustration was showing on his face because of everything that had been going on to him, losing his sword and not being in his beloved Lorien. It was more than a sane Elf should have to take in the span a decade. Orcs and the Dark Lord Sauron even dwarves he could handle but this was just beyond his comprehension.

The children did not seem too much of a threat so he took a minute to calm down.

When he had recovered he found them staring at himself.

"Yep! He is definitely from those Lord of the Rings flics," the girl said this in a very matter of fact voice while a scrutinizing eye ran up and down his armor and landed on his face or was it on his ears.

Humans had the tendency to do this. He was used to it but it always became annoying when they asked ...

"Are they real?" she asked this the strangest way as if she knew they were not real but was just indulging him.

'Silly little girl, she is worse than most humans'

"Yes, I was born with them so that would make them flesh and blood," he replied in a voice that made her feel like the stupidest person in the world.

'You want to know something? I could really care less how condescending he just was, if he keeps talking all will be forgiven.'

"Can I touch them?" She asked without thinking.

'I really am the stupidest person in the world!'

"No, you may not touch my ears. What made you think that you could touch my ears?" Haldir could not help himself. Imagine this humane child asking if she could touch his ears! It was not only rude but even worse it was an invasion of personal space.

"Sorry."

Haldir almost felt sorry for being snappy but he was not in the mood to indulge humans at the moment. So in typical Haldir fashion he cut straight to the point.

"You have already told me where I am but I have never heard of this 'North Carolina' that you speak of. So if you would please tell me how to get to your ruler I would be in your debt."

Ozzy and Natalie just kind of stared at him for a minute, they were completely befuddled.

"That could almost be a cheesy conquering alien, but it sounded..."Ozzy thought about for a moment, "...wrong with your accent and costume."

"That was really deep Ozzy, I'm totally getting you." Natalie said this sarcastically with fake tears coming out of her eyes and touched the center of her chest with a closed fist and then held it out to Ozzy.

Haldir was obviously starting become a annoyed when Natalie said...

"Ummm, just give us two seconds mister."

She pulled Ozzy a few feet away where humans would normally have been out of ear shot but not our dearest Haldir. He just sat down on the couch taking in his surroundings while listening to the children's conversation.

"I say we just give him can of Pringles, a Fanta and a map with D.C. highlighted. What do you think Ozzy?"

Ozzy just kind of looked at Natalie for a moment before he realized she was not kidding. "Why the Pringles and a Fanta?"

"Because we don't want him to get hungry five minutes out and come back and murder us all then it take days for anyone to find us. Next thing you know we are on Discovery Channels 'Detective Files' or even worse the 'X-Files'!! I can just see the headlines now 'Bingham family and Suttle girl brutally murdered in their home last Thursday night by psychopathic Lord of the Rings fan' Think of your family Oz!!!"

"Natalie if I had not grown up with you...." Oz just shook his head and glanced over towards the 'man' on the couch, "Let's just figure out what he wants."

Natalie agreed and they walked back over to Haldir.

"I am Natalie Suttle and this is my friend and next door neighbor Oswald Bingham, everyone but his sister calls him Ozzy."

Natalie in typical 'Natalie' fashion held her hand to a 'man' she had just deemed a 'psychopathic Lord of the Rings fan'. What are the odds?

Haldir looked at her with a surprised looked and being the beautifully polite and handsome elf he was (his mother raised him so well) stood up and took Natalie's hand. But instead of shaking it he gently kissed her hand and replied...

"I am honored to meet you Lady Natalie and you Lord Ozzy. I am Haldir Marchwarden of Lothlorien and loyal servant of the Lady Galadriel." Okay so he was laying it on a bit thick but Haldir figured it would be easier to flatter them than to be rude and belligerent. It was working very well since the girl, Natalie, seemed like she was about to faint but the boy was sharp and did not seem to fall as easily under his spell.

"I am just going to get to the point, why are you in my friend's house, how did you get here and why are you here?" Ozzy was starting to get upset and just wanted to finish and get home.

Natalie immediately snapped out of here daze and said, "Yeah! Exactly what he said."

Ozzy just rolled his eyes 'note to self, Natalie makes bad back up in questionable situations.'

Haldir thought for a moment (poor guyï) before replying. "I do not know why I am in your friend's house, I do not know how I came to be here and only the Valor know why I am here." Haldir grew more frustrated and depressed as he said this.

Now any one reading this knows that when elf gets down he can't just pop a pill, drink some tea or eat a gallon of ice cream and snap right out of it, it is just not that simple.

Haldir shrank down onto the couch and placed his head in his hands.

Natalie sat down beside Haldir and placed an arm around his shoulders as looked up too Ozzy.

"I believe him," she turned towards him and looked him straight in the eye, "You can stay here until we figure out what to with as long as you promise me I want end up dead on late night programming of the Discovery Channel."

Now I know that everyone is thinking Natalie has lost a few marbles but it is just who she is. She is one of those people who will go to the animal shelter and pick up all the animals are scheduled to be put to sleep except in her case she picks up people or would if her parents would let her.

"Thank you my Lady but I can find lodging at an inn somewhere along the road."

"Nonsense you are no longer in Lothlorien which trust me is **_nowhere_** around here."

Ozzy was taken aback. "Natalie, are you sure about this?"

"Yep, positive!" was Natalie's cheerful smiling reply.

"Thank you Lady Natalie. I really am in your debt now."

"You don't have to put 'Lady' in front of my name, Natalie is just fine."

Before Haldir could reply the phone rang.

Natalie rushed over and answered it. "Hello?"

Silence.

"Uh huh."

More silence.

"Sure Mrs. B. I'll send him over right. Thanks for the info. Bye."

Natalie hung up the phone. "Your mom wants you to go home, she says that there is a snowstorm coming and that sadly enough school is cancelled tomorrow."

Natalie finished this with a sad look on her face.

"Okay, I have to go. But you're positive you'll be okay?" Ozzy asked looking pointedly at Haldir.

"I would never do anything to endanger the Lady's life or disgrace her honor." Haldir replied indignantly.

Natalie just looked at him very proudly as if her little boy had just spoken his first word.

This scared Ozzy and Haldir just a little bit.

"Well I should get going. I'll give you a call when I get home."

Natalie walked him to the door, stepping over all of the broken glass Fanta bottles.

"You should problely clean that up." Ozzy pointed out.

"I was just thinking about that."

She opened up the door moving some glass at the same time.

"Ohhh, remember that the emergency was the tomatoes."

Ozzy just waved at her as walked quickly down the stairs into the freezing night.

"It is really getting cold" Natalie whispered to her self.

Natalie turned back inside and locked the door. Going back into the living room she found that Haldir had retrieved his sword and was wiping it clean.

Natalie interrupted him by asking if he wanted to his room. He agreed and followed her into the hallway and up the stairs on the on opposite side of the living room a few past the large mirror which he glanced into as he passed by.

Once they reached the top she opened the first door on the right and said...

"This was my brother's room, he doesn't live here now so you can stay here for tonight and I will set up the guest bedroom tomorrow."

The room was simple since her brother had moved out and taken all of his posters and things with him, there was only a bed with a quilt and plaid sheets on top. The walls were a soft cream color and had holes, dents and nicks on them from 18 years of use.

Haldir looked down at her and smiled kindly at her. (I will point out that this gave her a very giddy feeling.) "This will do. Thank you very much Natalie."

"Over there is the bathroom," she pointed the door across the hall. Haldir thought to be a little odd but did not say anything.

"The linen closet is right next to it and room," Natalie walked over to a cord hanging from the ceiling and pulled it, "is right up here." She pointed up the set of collapsible stairs.

"So if you need anything just give yell."

"Thank you once again but I think I shall retire for the evening."

"Okay, me too. Are you hungry?"

Haldir thought for a moment and decided that he did not want to find out what 'Pringles' or 'Fanta' were in the dark of night. "No I will be fine until the morrow."

"Well, then good night. One more thing, I am going to be turning on the alarm system so don't open any windows or doors that lead outside."

Haldir nodded, curious about twhat an alarm system was but decided to wait till morning and went into his room

Natalie walked down stairs to clean up her Fanta bottles and set the alarm system when the phone rang again.

It was Ozzy.

**Author's Note:**

First thing's first, my internet went and I have been **_really_** busy. The chapter has been ready for a few days now. Thanks a lot for your patience.

Second, so how did you like the new format? I like it a lot. The story moves a lot faster; can you imagine trying to write this whole chapter from two or three different points of view?

Sorry it took me so long to write again but I had to some unexpected traveling (I went repelling!!) and two of my horses gave birth and the third one is expected any day now!(starts laughing hysterically and her family and hotel guests look at her weirdly) I am a proud grandmother, my how they grow.

One more thing I did not mention Natalie's age in this chapter, I have determined she is 16 and same for Ozzy. As for Haldir if any one has a clue as to how old he is or any other random info it would be greatly appreciated!

Well I must be going now and I should have the next chapter up soon but I can't make any promises.

Please click the review button and put me on your Alert list!!! And thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. WOOOHOOO!!!


	4. Blindness and much needed relief

Thanks to everyone for the support. I hope you enjoy.

Something or someone was shaking Natalie, trying to wake her up. Well it was working so far but with one small problem her eyes were open but she could not see.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T SEEEEEEEEE!!!! I AM BLIND CURSED TO WALK THE WORLD IN DARKNESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"

Natalie jumped up and started to run in a random direction when she felt herself on the edge of the floor and even though she tried to stop herself from falling but her forward momentum had taken over and had decided to go down the stairs and was taking her with it.

As Natalie started to fall Haldir came to the rescue (don't you just love him?) by grabbing her by the waist, when she was safely back in the room he picked her up and set her on the edge of her bed.

"Thank you, who ever you are, but I fear I shall be completely useless to you as I am blind." A mournful look came over Natalie's face as she said this.

Haldir sighed and pulled the blue mask down her face.

"I CAN SEE!!!! THANK YOU HALDIR I CAN SEE AGAIN!!!"

She tackled Haldir squarely in the chest, giving him a kiss on the cheek and knocking the wind out him. A pained look came over his face.

"Lady, I am sorry to have startled you so but there is an emergency. I can not find a place to relieve myself."

"Ohhh! Well just go to the bathroom." She said this like it was commonsense.

'Silly girl!!'

"Lady, I do not need to take a bath, I need to relieve myself."

"Oh! Okay, I get it now; you don't understand what I am talking about. Follow me and all shall be well." She got up from the messy tangle of sheets, straightened her blue cotton pjs which had oversized daises printed on them and walked across the dark wooden floor her and slipped her feet into some green dinosaur house shoes. To Haldir's great distress every time Natalie took a step they roared.

'The girl is louder than an army of Orcs and more disturbed than my brother Rumil.'

They were walking down the steps out of her room and to the 'bathroom'.

Natalie opened the door to the 'bathroom' and started to explain the use of the toilet. The bathroom was tiled in blue from floor to ceiling, and was accented with whit accessories. It consisted of a toilet, a sink and shower/bathtub with a colorful shower curtain depicting fish under the sea, the mirror was a medicine cabinet but it was empty do to the fact this was the guest bathroom.

"Okay, here is the toilet," she pointed to the white porcelain bowl.

"You lift up the seat if you have to do number 1 and sense you are new to the system and I don't want have clean up any 'accidents', you stand in front of the toilet and aim." Natalie explained and demonstrated all of this with great zeal, to her thinking you did not play around when you went to the bathroom; it was a very serious matter and should not be taken lightly.

"Next if you have to do number 2 you place the seat down and sit," Natalie sat on the seat to demonstrate, "Of course pull pants down. This sliver knob is what you push to clean the bowl." She pressed the knob to demonstrate. Haldir started squirm when he saw the swirling water go down the bowl.

"One more thing, this role of toilet paper is used to wipe your bum, please drop it in the toilet before you flush." She held up a role of soft white tissue paper that had little puppies playing on it and a pleasant odor.

She started to walk out of the door when she remembered one more thing...

'_More!_' Haldir looked as if he were going to die of holding it in for to long.

"Sorry I forgot something, please put the seat down after have finished and if you are going to be a while there is some reading material beside the toilet." Natalie pointed to magazine rack almost to the breaking point.

"Thank you very much, now if you would take your leave I would appreciate it." He made a shooing motion with his hands and she to walk out.

"Okay I am going to make breakfast!" 'Mmmmmmm, Pringles!!!'

Haldir realized how hungry he was when she mentioned breakfast and was thankful that he would soon have warm food in his belly.

Hehehe, little did he know.

**Author's note:**

Sorry about the short chapter but I wanted to update a gain and will update in the next couple of days.

Some of you guys said I might need a beta reader,I agree, which is part of the reason why this chapter is so short.

Any volunteers?

Well talk to you later, I am going to get started on chapter 5.


	5. Pringle Addict

**Can anyone guess what Haldir's character flaw will be?**

* * *

While Haldir was up stairs 'relieving' himself, Natalie was downstairs making breakfast, honey roasted Pringles, strawberry and cinnamon sugar with dried strawberry chunks and of course our favorite Fruit Loop Pringles in array of colors and fruity flavors!

Natalie set out the cylinder cardboard cans and setting them on the table with 2 milk, bowls and spoons. She then took her place at the table and proceeded to pore herself a bowl of strawberry Pringles with cinnamon swirls and covered them in milk.

Haldir walked in on Natalie trying to fit a Pringle onto her spoon all he could think was…

'I pray that is not what I am supposed to eat this morning'

"Lady Natalie?" Natalie jumped not noticing he had walked into the kitchen. It was a large kitchen with mahogany cabinets that had frosted glass doors, the counters were covered in large white tiles same as the floor and the walls were painted a soft creamy yellow.

"Breakfast is served!" Natalie swept her hand dramatically showing the 3 cans of Pringles substituted for cereal.

"Hmm," Haldir walked up to the cans and picked up a blue Fruit Loop Pringle. An intrigued look came upon his handsome elfish features as he took an other one and another one ect. ect. ect.

"Can't get enough can you?" Natalie looked at him with a knowing smile.

All of a sudden the door bell rang.

Natalie looked up wondering who it was.

"Should I go upstairs?" Haldir asked this knowing very well that Natalie was living alone at the moment but that her neighbors would be checking up on her and would not be happy to find him.

"Nah, it's probably Oz, if not, I'll give a subtle signal." Natalie replied with a wink. ;)

She skipped out of the kitchen into the hallway, her dino slippers roaring the whole way. Haldir just shook his head, he could feel a headache coming on and it was a very strange thing for an elf to get a headache.

Haldir waited for a few moments listening as Natalie answered the door.

"**HEEEELLLLLOOOO!!"**

Haldir grumbled under his breath. "_I really am going to have to give her a lesson it subtlety!" _

Haldir quickly looked around for a place to hide. He saw a cracked door that he rushed to because he could hear the strange slippers making their roaring way towards the kitchen.

"So, Anne, what brings you here?" Natalie asked in a very polite and formal way.

"Mom made me bring you breakfast," grumbled Anne and she handed Natalie the bag of food while looking around.

"Is anyone here?" She asked pointing to the two bowls on the table.

"Not that I know of, I could be wrong." Natalie said giving Anne a charming smile.

Haldir tried to hit his head against a wall in frustration but instead hit some boxes, causing quite a commotion.

"What was that?" Anne asked and started walking towards Haldir's refuge.

"Stay back Anne, it is my house let me go first!"

Anne was not one to take orders but she fell back due to the fact that Natalie had a large butcher knife and maniacal look in her eyes, witch was helped by the fact she not taken a shower, brushed her teeth or hair.

Anne stood a good distance away as Natalie opened the door to the pantry and closed it behind her.

"_I thought elves were supposed to be quiet!"_ Natalie whispered urgently.

"_**WE** generally are but you humans pack ever thing so close together makes it a challenge!"_ Haldir replied in not so nice a voice. (You really have to understand that the stress is starting to get to him.)

"_HA! Now that was raciest and a stereotypical remark, Mrs. Bingham's pantry is really big and open!" _Natalie shot back in a triumph voice.

Outside Anne was starting to get confused. "Natalie? Is everything okay in there? Who are you talking to?"

"_Play along,"_ whispered Natalie.

She squeezed around Haldir and pulled down a bottle of red food coloring sprayed it on her shirt and the knife, then boldly stepped out the door.

"**REALLY, REALLY, REALLY **big rat!"

Natalie waved her knife around in a menacing manner as is she had just battled the Witch King and was the heroin of the battle.

"Can I see it?" Anne asked curiously.

"**NO!** I don't think you could handle it," Natalie made a jester to emphasize the "blood" on her p.j. shirt.

Anne got the idea in her head that for some reason it might be a good time to leave right about now.

"Okay, well, I am going to take off now, hehehe." Anne made a b-line for the door and took off running once she was outside.

Haldir had heard Anne's quick departure and stepped out of the pantry dusting him-self off.

"Well, Natalie even if you have not traumatized the poor child into jumping off the White Tower I don't think she will come back again." Haldir said this with a serious tone and a face to match but it was some what downplayed when he started munching on the Pringles again.

"Well that would not be a bad thing." Natalie said this loud enough for Haldir to give her a look.

"Trust me if you really knew her you would agree," responded Natalie.

Haldir just shook his head and walked over to inspect the bag that Anne had brought over. He opened the plastic which was something completely new to him and stood the staring at it curiously, feeling, touching, experiencing, observing, absorbing and crinkling.

"It's called plastic," remarked Natalie.

"What is it made of?" Haldir asked.

"Not quite sure but I think it is made of…" she stood there thinking, "well I am not really sure. I should google it."

"Oh." Was all he said in response.

Natalie walked over and finished opening the bag; she found bacon, fluffy scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese, crispy golden brown toast and a thermos of Costa Rican Coffee.

"Mmmmm, coffeeeeee," Natalie twisted the cap off in two seconds and her nose in the opening of the thermos, inhaling the rich smell in less than one.

Haldir stood looking at her like she had just gone off the deep. Natalie of course was not paying any attention whatsoever as she pulled down a huge coffee mug that was about 3 time the size of a regular coffee mug and emptied about half the contents into the mug.

Natalie finally realized that Haldir was staring at her after about 10 minutes of adding sugar and milk. (Hey it's a careful science!)

"You can have some food," she pointed at the food that she was now scooping on to her plate.

Haldir just shook his head and returned to the Pringles. Natalie shrugged at sat down to eat.

30 minutes later Natalie got up, cleaned off the dishes and placed them into the dishwasher. She added he soap then shut the door.

Haldir finishing his second can of Pringles he watched Natalie curiously. Natalie turned around and pretended to wipe the non existent sweat off her forehead.

"What's up?"

Haldir looked up and pointed, "The ceiling."

Natalie bursted out laughing bent over and clutching her chest she replied, "Sorry, I mean what you are looking at?"

"That box or that I don't "thing"?"

"Oh! That is a dishwasher. Hot water is shot up through the middle, the soap mixes and it washes the dishes."

"Oh." Was all he said in response.

"Well I am going to go get ready, you should too and then we can go out. You should probably use my brother's clothes so that way you won't stand out as much."

Haldir nodded his head as he started on his third can of Pringles.

"You are going to get sick if you keep eating like that."

"Elves do not become ill."

"Whatever!"

* * *

**Authors Note:**

Sorry for the long break, I did drop off the edge of the world.

Please review and let me know what you think.

Is bursted spelled right? My spell check is not giving me any help. Thanks!

Also I have Beta reader now, my sister, napalmandmatches. Check out her stuff but if take Legolas or any other type LOTR character bashing, stay away very, very, very, very, very far away. It's all in good fun though (read the reviews that is what they are there for)

And if anyone can tell me what plastic is made of that would be great but **not** how it's made. I did google with out much luck.

Special thanks to everyone who reviewed:

Lady Hades: Award for first review

KnowName: Award for Attention to detail

poolbum: Award for most reviews and attention to detail (you have not replied to my e-mail about a beta reader yet)

Many: Award for just being a fellow North Carolinian

Lea the elf Lover: Award for good criticism and suggestion(Are you and Lea the same person?)

napalmandmatches: Award for being just plain freaky

lea: Award for liking Natalie's dino slippers

Snodgrass Winkle: Award for liking my bathroom explanation

Thanks a lot to everybody for their support and just plain reading even if you don't review but please do.


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